Ways to Have & Savor Experience

When I am alone, I have and savor easily what is good.

This was not natural for me. In the past I noticed I needed validation from others that what I liked was liked by them as well. I would have ‘guilty pleasures,’ things that I liked in spite of the derisions of those around me. Lady Gaga’s music springs to mind. (I had the kind of friends who would dislike things solely based on their popularity, and I have my own theories as to that.)

Going alone on vacation was the most empowering feeling in the universe for me. I traveled with no masks, no limitations, nothing I couldn’t just unload and rewrite. Every moment, without discussion, without even conscious thought, I could choose what I would do, how I would respond.

I crave this.

InterPlay was the first time I was invited to ‘have’ something ‘for myself.’ After doing something alone, like a solo dance, the leader said, “Now take a moment and have that for yourself.”

Writing about this, how important a tool it was for me to learn, I’m reminded of what my therapist said about savoring. I worried after a wonderful trip to Walk Disney World that thinking about it too much I’d lose the good feelings about it. I tended to think a lot about challenges and terrible experiences to try to make sense of them, a defense tactic to detach from them as an observer. I shared with my therapist my concerns that thinking about good experiences would distance me from the good feelings of them. She validated this fear, and encouraged me to savor.

I figured out how to use classical conditioning on myself. Everyone’s had the experience of a certain smell evoking a memory, or a song coming on and reminding us of a person with whom we used to hear that song.

When I would sit down to remember experiences in Disney World, I would deliberately listen to music played in the background of the parks. I could have also used an object that reminded me of the time. I chose music because it’s proved to be a strong and reliable trigger for me. I would set aside private time, put on the music, close my eyes, and remember all the details—or perhaps look at my pictures, if I was having trouble remembering. Now all I have to do is hear one of those songs I used and the memories and their feelings come back to me.

Savor the way a child would. Savor like there is nothing in the world but you and what you’re enjoying—like a child eating chocolate ice cream where the world shrinks to the feelings and tastes in your mouth, the cold curve of the spoon, the melting sweetness, the shiver of gooseflesh on your arms as the chill of it hits you. There are worlds of details and sensations in every pleasurable moment that can stretch like taffy as you pay attention to them in order to keep those treasures alive and return to them when you need a good memory and feeling. Savor right after you’ve had the experience, while it’s fresh and you have your pick of sensations and details, and then come back later and savor more. The more you do it, the stronger the memory, the easier it will be to savor again, even amidst the noise and haste.

You know how you savor best. All these words are just here as signposts pointing the way for those who may have lost having and savoring along the way, or who want to learn new ways of doing it on purpose.

One last thing. You may have gotten stuck under the idea of having or savoring something for yourself as selfish. I did! Here are some thoughts to challenge that sticky, heavy idea:

• Until you have something, you cannot share it with others.
• Apply your own oxygen mask before assisting with others.
• The more you have, the more you have to share.